Self-defence for women is the area with the most offerings and the most false promises. This piece tries to separate one from the other - with no stories about pressure points and no single move that solves everything.
What we know about real situations
The data is fairly consistent and differs from what courses depict.
The attacker is usually known. Most violence against women happens not in a dark alley but in a familiar environment, at the hands of someone the victim knows. That changes everything - from when the situation begins to what is possible at all.
Situations escalate. They rarely start with an attack. They start with words, a crossed boundary, an attempt at isolation.
What matters happens early. What can be done can usually be done while there is still no physical contact.
From which follows what is worth training - and it is not a catalogue of grips.
Three myths that are dangerous
Myth 1: there are weak points that erase the strength difference. Eyes, groin, knee. All three work in theory and all three are hard to hit at a heart rate of 170, on a person who is moving and defending. Relying on them creates false confidence.
Myth 2: one course is enough. A technique you know but have not repeated a hundred times does not exist under stress. That is not about willpower but physiology.
Myth 3: a spray or an alarm solves the situation. Both can help, and both require having them in your hand rather than in your bag, and being ready to use them without hesitation. Without practice, the chance of using them in time is small.
What actually works
- Distance. Recognising an entry into your space before anything else happens. The most useful skill, and the only one that transfers to everyday life without exception.
- Voice. Loud, short, no explaining. It sets a boundary, draws attention and - most underrated - triggers your own exhale.
- A verbal boundary. “No.” “Stop.” “Step back.” Practising this out loud is, for many women, the hardest part of the training and the one with the greatest effect.
- Escaping a grip. A few techniques that work with large muscle groups and require no precision. Not twenty; three.
- The ability to run. Underrated and decisive.
The soft overcomes the hard. The gentle overcomes the rigid.
Why a traditional Chinese art is not a bad foundation for this
Chinese arts developed in a setting where you were frequently smaller and weaker than your opponent. So the logic of the technique is built around structure, angle, distance and timing - not around who can move whom by force.
That does not mean size is irrelevant. It means the system is not built on the assumption that you are the stronger one.
What we do here
We do not run self-defence as a separate course for women. The reason is simple: what works needs months of repetition, and a course with an end date cannot supply that.
Instead the self-defence side is built into the regular Kung Fu program - distance and posture from the first hour, voice and boundaries in partner drills, technique gradually. The groups are mixed, which for this work is an advantage: training with people of different sizes is the only way to find out what works and what does not.
Anyone who does not want to engage with the fighting side does not. Distance, posture and voice remain part of the practice regardless.
What you can do today
- Practise a loud “no” out loud. At home, once. It is awkward for everyone the first time.
- Phone in your pocket when walking alone.
- Be prepared to be rude. The biggest obstacle to setting a boundary is not fear but upbringing.
If you would like to go further, you can sign up for a single visit at Ziherlova 44 in Ljubljana.
